Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Garden

The man

It was her fault!!!
Spare me!
I can’t take it
She is the reason

Her voice
Enveloped in sweetness
Has deceived me
I never wanted to be you
I never wanted wisdom
I don’t want to live long
She, she wanted it all

Spare me I beseech thee
I just stood with her
It wasn’t my fault

The woman

What a wretched creature are you?
You deceived me
Stop looking at me like that!
It was it
Not my fault
It said
I will be like you
I will possess wisdom like you
It deceived me
Spare me I beseech thee

Speak up for me
Tell Him, I’m not the one
Please don’t be silent
Tell Him
It is the one
I cry before thee
See me tears
Doesn’t it melt your heart?

The snake

Aha, now, blame it all on me
Didn’t He tell you not to eat it?
Didn’t He tell you, you will be punished?
You are the one to be punished
Why did you listen to me?
Will you do all I say?
Did I pluck and give it to you
You plucked it yourself
See, your hands
It has the redness of that grasp


Please bear me
I’m not the one
I’m a lowly creature
Have mercy on me
I’m not the one

Answer from the sky

“Man you will toil the soil!”
“Woman your fruit will come with much pain”
“Snake, I take your legs, crawl and be crushed by woman’s fruit”

Written by Vinal Raj R on 21st July 2010
Posted by at

6 comments:

  1. abroozJuly 21, 2010 at 4:55 AM

    eda,
    I liked it except the last portion, became very typical. dont you think so? idea is good. ending could have been better, i feel!

    ReplyDelete
  2. G ThomasJuly 21, 2010 at 9:10 AM

    alright...i like the snake's take...

    you know like Judas is always misrepre4sented...like thomas is always misrepresented...similarly the snake too is misrepresented....it was a test they failed...they perished...

    PS: Strictly not supporting the snake or the satan....

    nice

    ReplyDelete
  3. rajspeaksJuly 21, 2010 at 10:53 PM

    @ abrooz:thanx abrucha will do it. bring in a new idea.
    @i agree with you with the fact that they failed a test. its true.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dr. John JosephJuly 21, 2010 at 11:08 PM

    hi raj, nice going
    and yes the answer from heaven was an abrupt ending. Rest has a flow.\
    Write on...
    John

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownJuly 22, 2010 at 6:06 AM

    The way of ur expression is some what okay' Most of the narration is similar to BIBLE. It felt like copying Bible.When u write a poem u have to infuse ur philosaphy with a biblical pespective . And it should be convincing to a third person.But it should not b preachy. Think more . Read more.
    .

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownJuly 24, 2010 at 7:44 AM

    bro great idea, liked the concept !! love you bring it on :)

    ReplyDelete

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